Volume 2: Radically Bold & Oh So Simple
I did something that was very much out of my comfort zone. I reclaimed a workday for a mini-retreat, by myself, formyself, and with myself at HOME!
On many levels, this seems not so radical; yet, as I peeled the layers, I uncovered both the boldness and the counterculture practice this was. I also made myself very uncomfortable in the process. I had planned this day in advance (as any good planner would do), and as the day drew closer, I felt anxiety surfacing. What would it look like to be at home, with goals & to-do lists boldly staring at me, eagerly waiting to be crossed off, and yet me intentionally setting them aside? It was incredibly tempting to see this day as “found time” - one of catching up on all the never-ending tending surrounding me at home. To ease the anxiety, I wrote a list of intentions for how I wanted to be during this time. This felt like the more generous and less outcome-based way to soothe that anxious part...until I reread my intentions. They slyly transitioned from the gracious, “I intend to enter timeless presence, following my heart,” and “I want to feel in my flow, alive, filled with joy, wonder, and possibility” to more goal-oriented, with specific outcomes. Damn. How subtle and pervasive societal pressures creep in. For the record, I am a massive over-scheduler, with every minute planned in 30-minute increments every day, including weekends. This exercise was a gigantic reorientation and permission slip for myself
Let me back up for a minute – when I went for a pre-retreat hike the night before, I saw 4 Herons appearing and flying by me at very poignant times. I firmly believe that the animal kingdom offers us valuable messages. I felt the power and beauty of the Heron, and as soon as I came home, I turned to my favorite book on this topic, “Animal Spirit Guides” by Stephen Farmer, PhD. Sure enough, one of Heron’s messages was this, “Spend a day or two with no plans or agenda, guided only by your intuition – whether a day of activity, quiet reflection, or a combination. Take full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions, rather than blaming others or life circumstances.” Wow, thank you, Heron; your wise words deeply impacted how I spent my time, and I am forever grateful. Throughout the day, I continued to battle the deep urge to plan and check off lists, a habit ingrained in me for decades. Instead, I remembered your beautiful flight in front of me, accompanied by this generous and aptly timed message.
It is interesting to me that when I travel and am away from home, I can more easily access these parts of myself – presence, intuition, and the ability to follow my heart. Yet, at home, it is an ongoing struggle. This is part of why this day was both so radically bold and yet also supremely simple.
It ended up being one of the first sunny and warm(ish) days in months. I brought out my blanket and my sheepskin, with a whole pot of tea, and set up at the base of my hundred-plus-year-old Silver Maple tree. I truly turned off my thinking mind as I gathered things from my home that I wanted to include on this day. Next thing I knew, I had a gorgeous altar set up before me, with special hearts I’ve gathered in nature, a vase of roses, a candle, a fragrant smudge bundle recently gifted to me, and my journal.
I sat there all day. Observing the shadows on the ground (I’d never seen the shadow of the letter A that my sacred tree offered, and I’ve lived here for 15 years). I listened to the abundant bird songs as they began to return from their awe-inspiring migration. Ultimately, as with anything we do, I listened to my heart and slowly, purposefully took one step and then the next, following my heart to create a beautiful space for me to spend the day. I basked in the warmth of the sunshine on my skin. It was before the trees leafed out, yet the forsythia had just come to full blossom.
I danced, I meditated, I sat and observed, and I released emotions that no longer need to be clung to. I journaled. I read poetry. It ended up being a magical day – I fought the urge to “do.” Instead, I gave myself full permission to just be, kindly asking the never-ending voice of “shoulds” to please have a seat, observe and witness. At the end of the day, I pulled an oracle card from the deck, Nature’s Whispers, and as icing on the cake of my day, I pulled the card, “Be True To Your Heart.” I smiled a full-body smile of deep gratitude, feeling Mother Nature’s wink and nod. It had been a day filled with a different kind of hard work, but one that built new muscles of trust, surrender, and following that gorgeous heart.
As Tricia Hersey writes in Rest is Resistance, it is imperative that we take steps to push back against the endless cycles of capitalism and productivity and allow time and space for rest.
When will you plan your day of rest?
