Volume 4: Resourcing Yourself

I used to hear the question, "How do you resource yourself?" and my eyes would glaze over, and I'd begin rolling them so fiercely that I'd almost launch into a headache. Excuse me, what? What do you even mean by that?  

While it's taken me longer than I'd like to admit, I finally understand what is meant by this simple, if cryptic question, and have some tools to offer you, too. But more importantly, I learned that self-resourcing is not optional. I recently had a week of not making the time for my full morning practices, and by the weekend, I had landed in a pool of tears, feeling acutely overwhelmed with sadness.

Before I continue, let me define what is meant by "resourcing oneself". If you think of yourself as if you were a plant, the basic resources you'd need are pretty simple: sunlight, water, and soil with the appropriate nutrients. Then there are the extras that can help assist flourishing, not just surviving. These could include fertilizer, attention, and some beautiful music. Unfortunately, we're not plants, so the resources we humans need are a bit more complicated. Water, food, and shelter are necessities, but there is so much more that can help replenish our frequently depleted system and help us reconnect with ourselves. These are the resources I'm talking about. It will be unique to you, so have fun experimenting! 

As I went through my dark period, I began to intentionally incorporate ways to connect with myself first thing in the morning. I made a practice of doing this before I brushed my teeth, said hello to my partner, or (cue the sigh of disbelief) before I turned on my phone. It started with creating a dream journal. It would take me less than 5 minutes to write down any memories of my dream travel, and what stood out. Dreams are so often our higher self speaking to us, so what a great idea to listen. Spoiler alert: while this was fun and got me writing first thing in the morning, there were no earth-shattering epiphanies; however, it did ease the transition to wakefulness. 

Then I started meditating and journaling in the morning. Again, this was my attempt to form a deep and lasting bond with myself, before anyone else. After all, as much as we'd like to disbelieve this, we are the ONLY ones we are guaranteed to be with our ENTIRE life! Put that way, it makes a lot of sense to get to know our likes, wants, and desires. There is an overabundance of shoulds and opinions from others in the world. I wanted to invest some time to get to know what I wanted. Again, this sounds so simple, but after mothering for decades of my life, I'd become too accustomed to other people's needs and wants, and had forgotten entirely that I had them too. 

I'm not saying any of this has been easy. I want to bust through the romantic image of waking in the total darkness, sitting by candlelight, (much earlier than my prior wake time) as my rose black tea wafts in the air. It took weeks of inconsistent dedication and snoozing on the alarm until I started to notice something. I began to notice that on the days when I didn't start my morning this way, I was easily distracted by all the things around me that buzz, ding, and ring, and I was not connected to my center. When that was lacking, I was like a balloon floating in the sky, utterly at the mercy of the direction of the winds. On the mornings when I made time for myself, I was anchored to who I am, what lights me up, and the version of myself I want to bring into the world each day. Even doing the least exciting and tedious parts of my day felt different. My morning routine has taught me dedication, consistency, and resilience, and it reminded me that I matter. Silly me, I'd been thinking it was up to others to show me that I matter. Actually, by prioritizing my wants and following through on my commitments to myself, I remembered that I matter, regardless of what's going on around me. What incredible news that the external search that I matter can now conclude! 

Over the years, I've started and quit a meditation practice SO many times. If that's you, don't give up; you may just not have found the right match yet. Also, there was no magic switch that I just turned on. It took persistence, dedication to ME (that was a new and not easy one), and it took experimenting with a lot of false starts until I found the things that didn't just stop – but they wanted to keep going. Ultimately, it became effortless to nurture their continued existence. I say effortlessly, because changing behavior is one of the hardest things we can do. And yet, study after study shows that if you want to start a new habit, be consistent for 3 weeks, and next thing you know, it's just part of you. Effortlessly part of your new rhythm. 

I wish this for you. These are very challenging and uncertain times, and precisely the time to establish practices that help you become resilient and connected to both yourself and what matters to you. When you prove to yourself that you can fulfill even your commitments to yourself, things begin to change. You start to seek those things that bring joy, magic, and make your heart sing. Dancing has this power for me. I am a huge fan of the impromptu solo one or 2-song dance party (with or without headphones)! One of my favorites is playing Spotify roulette - I put on a playlist to random shuffle and get surprised by what song comes on. It’s usually exactly what I needed, but I didn’t know I needed it!

Keep in mind that some things fade, like the incredible (and free) chi gong teacher I found on YouTube. I loved those classes and attended them for a few weeks until I realized that screens wouldn't be part of my morning routine. Play. Experiment. Trust. Follow your heart, and most importantly, don't force this, but follow the spark that enlivens you. There are so many ways to resource yourself: dancing, time outside by your favorite tree, connecting with friends, getting lost in a book. I’d love to hear how your experiment goes!

For me, every morning I sit by my altar, which serves as my grounding space.  During tough times, I have written cards to myself, filled with remembrances and commitments, that I reread daily, so I don't give up on myself. Not to toot my horn, but my cards are a beautiful addition to an altar, and one of the reasons I created them: to help connect us to ourselves, as well as others. When we connect to ourselves, we can then truly show up for others from a place of love rather than one of resentment. 

 Find a card (mine or one you create for yourself), and write your commitment to yourself. How will you experiment and find ways to connect with yourself in the morning, or anytime?  I look forward to hearing about the new practices you discover. If you want to explore meditation, check out Insight Timer, which offers a wide range of free content.